Filed under: shethinks
if time heals, then time is not doing a very good job.
but Jesus heals, and I must know, that it’s all in His good timing.
sometimes, I resist this “talent” of mine to be so emotional, as compared to others who can be objective about things, and more level-headed then mushy-hearted.
yet, there are good that can come out from a broken heart.
teach me Lord, to see things the way you do
to feel the way you do, and re-direct my sensitivity towards the Holy Spirit within me, instead of the fearsome, and unreasonable thoughts.
the heart is deceitful above all things, who.. can understand it.
Filed under: shethinks
Man is like a breath; his days are like a fleeting shadow. Psalm 144:4
Uncle James passed away. 10 Nov’11, Thursday. He was diagnosed with throat cancer last year, and has been battling with the disease for many months, and there were complications with his kidneys as well. Chemotheraphy and dialysis were not easy on his body.
The monday of the week he passed, his heart actually stopped, and the doctor and nurses tried to revive him, but they took about 15mins, and after that, he was in a comatose state. The doc diagnosed that he was already brain dead because if a person takes more than 4 mins to revive after his heart stops, the oxygen is cut off from his brain already.
The family waited by the side, for Uncle James to wake up, and to wait for any response. Everyday, they would get the same report, as the day the doc tried to revive him.
So, it was down to two choices.
1) wait for him to come to, but to a vegetative state as his brain has already stopped functioning … or
2) to switch the life support machines off, and let him off.
the family deliberated over the very hard decision to make.. and chose the latter.
all the relatives and close friends were called in, as the intended time to shut down was 8pm. Pastor Tracy held an arbitary service in the ICU room by his bed, leading hymns, and reading from the bible.
It wasn’t until 9.30pm, that the doctor finally came.. and went with the immediate family, to switch off the buttons. And it was final.
sigh.
2 TIMOTHY 3:10-17
[10] You, however, know all about my teaching, my way of life, my purpose, faith, patience, love, endurance, [11] persecutions, sufferings-what kinds of things happened to me in Antioch, Iconium and Lystra, the persecutions I endured. Yet the Lord rescued me from all of them. [12] In fact, everyone who wants to live a godly life in Christ Jesus will be persecuted, [13] while evil men and impostors will go from bad to worse, deceiving and being deceived. [14] But as for you, continue in what you have learned and have become convinced of, because you know those from whom you learned it, [15] and how from infancy you have known the holy Scriptures, which are able to make you wise for salvation through faith in Christ Jesus. [16] All Scripture is God-breathed and is useful for teaching, rebuking, correcting and training in righteousness, [17] so that the man of God may be thoroughly equipped for every good work.
This section in contains a small Greek phrase which is gigantic and decisive (su de in vs. 10,14): it means in spite of this; on the other hand; in stark contrast. In opposition to the dark current of the last days, Paul says look at my life to see how God’s power can rescue and overcome, v. 11). One of the things Timothy needs is endurance (10). Endurance (hupomone) stands under; it does not run away. It can bear things, not simply with resignation, but with blazing hope; it is not the patience which waits grimly for the end, but which radiantly hopes for the dawn (William Barclay). Patience sees the fierce wind, and says: …in spite of.
And where do we catch this deeper power? In the God-breathed Word, the Scriptures, which have the power to bring wisdom and salvation through faith in Jesus.
three times this week, more than te frequencies in the past year. Daddy drove me in his (rented for work) car.
and as unnatural it is for me to express it, and as much as I want to pay less heed to the amazing encounters and conversations we’ve shared, at the risk of an unfamiliar embarrasement stemming from my own pride… I have to say that I love my dad.
for the love of God that is ever growing in Him… especially towards others.
for the humility that is wearing down his pride bit by bit, moment by moment
for the grace he has experienced only so he can give it away..
and for knowing the heart of God a little bit more each day.. he told me “when I saw the back of your brother walking towards the prison, not knowing what lies ahead for him; while I know that he will be locked up today, I felt a sense of betrayal towards my own son, and I felt sad. But I was reminded of what God must have felt, when He himself saw Jesus His own son, who was fully innocent and no crime on his back, going to the cross and suffering, His heart must have broke.. but He still had to let it happen. for us, just for us” …
Lord, I thank God for your awesome provision and timeliness. I confess that I have often been blind and faithless to your promised deliverance, and have acted in arrogance. Lord, today, I know and have seen for myself the change in my own father, and in my own heart. How utterly wonderful, and beautiful are your works.. even as incomplete as we are. You are the Alpha and the Omega. In you Lord, I trust.
Filed under: shethinks
but the fruit of the Spirit is, love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, gentleness, faithfulness and self control.
though not perfect, but in increasing measure, do I want my life to bear the Fruit of the Holy Spirit and give you tje glory :)
I’ve always wondered what does it mean to live an abundant life.
Do I measure it quantitatively or qualitatively?
As the seasons in my life have come and gone, and will come and go. Their lessons have not been expired. It would be terribly remiss of me if I fail to reflect upon the faithfulness of God in all of those seasons.
I think I’m only beginning to realise how to lead an abundant life. Not in the riches of material blessings, nor the comfort and convenience that life can be, nor the laughter or gladdening of the heart.. though all these things count very much and I look forward to having them in my life, there is something more to that.
but in broken relationships, in struggles, in sufferings, in abuse, in poverty and pain, THERE lies the secret to living an abundant life, and that is to look to the God who is faithful. I don’t think I can even begin to articulate how real and powerful His faithfulness is.
maybe testimonies would help shed some light.
from a bad relationship with my father since young, often swaying between hatred, bitterness to forgiveness.. today, for the first time in a long time, I had admiration towards him for trying to unite the family through prayers, and through his.. humility. my dad, was known to be an MCP.
from being abused by my brother since young, often swaying between hatred, bitterness to praying and forgiving him.. today, we sat down and he poured out his heart (though we’ve done it in similar settings before), but there was a certain humility about him tonight, that was. actually.. genuine. And, I didn’t shed a tear during our conversation.
from being a highly emotional, impetuous, impatient and ill-disciplined person… to an objective, maturing, growing in patience and discipline person who is seldom late for work and appointments.. God, you have done an amazing work in my life.
tomorrow, the brother might be put behind bars again because of the report his sister made against him, but there is a peace that transcends all human understanding that is lingering in this household, waiting for us to grasp it and soak in it.
and in the wisdom of Joy’s words, I don’t have to be strong.. just faithful. :)
Thank you dearest Heavenly Father, for You have been most faithful, when I have been faithless.
Filed under: shethinks
it’s strange
how I was feeling chirpy and fine this morning
and now, I feel a wall of emotions crashing inside… and there’s no particular reason why!
I spent the day sleeping away most of the morning, then headed to Koko’s to have lunch with the Teos and Bonny, and Grace, Aaron.. and Timmy! It was so so good to see all of them, especially precious Timmy. And my heart just wells up with affection for that little thing each time I think of him now.
Went over to Cheezels for dinner and to watch 300 and to play Where’s Waldo on Wii.
things were normal, but as I got nearer to home, I feel a twinge of sadness growing.
and now, the slightest thing is making me emotional, like the way I interpreted a chat with Cheezels over msn, making me seem overly sensitive. and the thought of Praise just makes me want to cry.
maybe it’s PMS, since my period is due in about a week’s time.
or maybe the human heart is deceitful above all things.
Lord, help me to submit my feelings to you, creator of ALL things, and not to run wildly with my emotions, and being self-centered.
Filed under: shethinks
is deceitful above all things.
how it bubbles with affections one moment, and the next, it churns out lies
and how dependable i have been on it.
changes are constant, especially in a relationship
so why should i be surprised by it?
i want to learn to trust God in every situation, circumstance, despite my own feelings.
it’s not the fulfilment of my own expectations that sets the relationship to work, but in my fulfilment found in the fullness of Jesus’ love for me, His victory over death, and His grand purpose in my life.
Filed under: shethinks
i laugh when i think of that all’s well commercial in my head.
especially when the guy (or girl) explains that he (or she) ordered the drink “because i love you”
almost one week later, and 2011 is going to be rolling in.
what may the new year bring?
this year, has been very eventful.
my bad memory and i do not have a good relationship with reminsence. so i’m thankful for the fast scribbles in my phone calendars and little notes here and there.
but this post is not about the whole year’s summary. but a post about the here and now.
because, this shall be a “little note here and there” for me to remember in the days ahead.
Christmas is wrapping up, with the celebration with the extended family being one of the last festive celebrations for this occasion. and what a different celebration it was. we have a married cousin amongst us now. the little cousins are growing bigger, and seeing a long-time cousin (Jie Lena) with her new child (Kayla) was refreshing, and of course, having Cheezels there made it very special.
we sang carols led by Shawn, and after that, Poh Poh gave a little sermon. and thank God for her! for the courageous woman she is, to bring up her family mostly single-handedly, for her faith in God that goes from strength to strength, for her kindness to love anyone and everyone, for her heart that draws people to God. she shared about Mary and her obedience. Mary obeyed when the angel proclaimed about her impending pregnancy. Mary obeyed the authority of Jesus when wine ran out at a wedding they attended. Lord, help me become a woman, who keeps obeying you, moment by moment.
and i’m reminded too, of a new salvation I had the privileged of leading this Christmas. Zhiyu came as a friend of Vivien, and during service, she was clearly touched by the Holy Spirit as she raised her hands to receive healing when Ps Andrew Yeo sang the song “Healer”, and when the service ended, and after a bit of prompting and the 4SL guide, she received Christ! i was so touched, i nearly teared but i composed myself and shared briefly about Vivien’s testimony and invited her to come join us more often. i pray for the seed of salvation to be deeply rooted in her heart, and Lord, guide her and make her strong in her faith as each day passes.
tomorrow starts my one week break from work!
i look forward to spending time with Cheezels, and completing that video montage!
Filed under: shethinks
the only thing i should be controlling, i don’t, but circumstances i can’t control, i grip on it like a rock climber on the rocks
does it help that i force a smile even when i don’t feel like it?
sigh.
do not like this state.
i slept irritated, but woke up forgetting about it, and things were okay
then as circumstances unfolded, i.. chose the grumpy route.
now, the day is almost over, i feel so tired reacting grumpily to all that can go wrong incidences.. like..
not being able to get cheezels to bring me run errands for his uncle
having to go to Sanya, Hainan for a hK project in Dec
rushing and being late to meet the facs for the event
having the clients make us wait 1hr while they take their lunch and delaying the race
being stuck with adr for o.n.e.h.o.u.r
having the van stall when we’re supposed to move out. the ignition wouldn’t start and i tried a lot a lot of times before it moved
went the wrong way and took super long to reach PS
having Gong Cha run out of pearls!
Gong Cha staff taking their super own sweet time to get my simple basic milk tea ready, the number after me got called first .. sigh
decidin on Subway for lunch coz breadtalk didnt accept NETS and i was cashless. but Subway was only NETS ready for $10 above purchases. mine was $4.90
hurried to find an ATM at the basement, and worrying i’ll be late to reach back
got news that a client got pissed coz pat miscomm the mys path instruction
realising i forgot the admin bag when ive already left the van and went up to the recept, so i had to walk alll the way back
cheezels finally wanted to meet, and so did g. no more energy left to entertain le.
i hope that’s about all that can make me grumpy today.
sigh.
i should learn to be thankful huh?
